Lost Wages, Nevada

There are so many phrases I've heard about Las Vegas, where does one even begin? The land of lost wages, is certainly one. Hear no evil, see no evil, can be applied here as well. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, is perhaps the most popular one. There are shirts galore all up and down the strip's many gift shops bearing it.

Or as one jokester put it, "Whatever happens in Vegas, never happened!" I actually think I like that last one better.

My wife and I recently had a visit there. This time being our second time since we were married. We weren't one of the ones doing the old shotgun wedding deal in Las Vegas, but we did call it our honeymoon.

Upon this particular visit we stayed at the Excalibur, which is actually a very nice hotel. I thought the casino was laid out nicely, and the machines seemed to do very well for us. The random number generators in that particular casino seemed on our side anyway.

Well, at least that was true for the first couple of days. The last day especially seemed to be hell bent on wanting most of its money back. I mean, not that that's any real surprise. No one ever said Las Vegas was built on winners, did they?

Which reminds of a joke my grandfather told me once, and I'm not sure where he had heard it. But there's this guy sitting at a bar in Las Vegas weeping. He orders up his fifth double of the night and another man comes along and sits beside him.

"What are all the tears for? You're in Vegas. You should be having fun," the man says to the crying man.

"I suddenly find myself to be a millionaire," the weeping man says back.

The other man looks astonished. "Well, hot damn! I wish I could have had such luck as you."

The weeping man looks perplexed, "But I was a billionaire when I got here."

I always did like that one.

My only complaint was at the door at the Excalibur. All throughout the casino there were desks staged with sales people from a new Las Vegas resort, The Grandview, who were offering four $25 gambling vouchers and two free Excalibur buffets to listen to a presentation, get shown around their place, and then have to dodge multiple efforts to get suckered into a time share condo. We took the offer and we did get the vouchers and the buffet, so ultimately it was worth it, even if it really was a load of bull.

I did find it annoying though, that throughout our entire stay at the Excalibur we were stopped by these sales people no less than 25 times. I mean, seriously? What they should have given my wife and I along with those other gifts were T-shirts which would have clearly read, "We did it already! Now get off me!"

I thought about complaining to the Excalibur staff. But to what end? I'd have probably gotten a nod. A "Yes, we know. We're sorry." That's really about it. The complaint would have started and ended at the receptionist's ears and gone no further up the chain than that.

And the time share people wouldn't care either.

You can throw a piece of meat at a dog and then kick him in the balls repeatedly. So long as there's still meat left on the bone he'll go on eating with swollen balls.

All in all it was a good time as Las Vegas typically is. Friends of ours were one of those who tied the knot in Vegas, and they did it at one of the one-stop wedding chapels on Las Vegas Boulevard. And like I said, we didn't come back with all of our money blown, so that was a plus as well. Had dinners at the buffet at the Wynn twice, and while it was a little bit pricey at $40, the food was fantastic, and every bit worth every penny.

Besides, it was my wife and I's wedding anniversary as well, so what the hell. You only live once—and we were in Vegas.

We said we'd probably go back maybe in the next five years. We said that the first time we went out there. This trip was three years later. We'll see how well we do on that five year gap this time.